We all have something that we want to achieve. Maybe it’s a new dream, maybe it’s something you have always wanted to do but never started, or maybe it something you have tried before and never made it to the finish line. In order to reach our goals and dreams it’s important to understand that success is in the habits you need to attain in order to reach them. So many people judge success by the end result and what the goal originally looked like. I believe that the vision of the original goal needs to be fluid. Goal Setters and Dream Makers need to be flexible with the end result. Success is found by focusing on the habits and skills that we need in order to reach the finish line. I’m here to give you some realization about why we sometimes give up on our goals, and maybe this will help you approach your goals in a way that gets you to the finish line.
Here are my top reasons why so many give up on their goals:
We fear judgment of failure. - Sometimes this fear is so strong that we won’t even speak about the goal. Here is where most of my clients need help. I often explain it like this “You are rock climbing, and you get 5 feet off the ground, now you fall, and it didn’t hurt too bad. Now after you get over the pain of the fall you climb that 5 feet again and repeat the fall. But you never go much higher, because when you fall (fail) it’s gonna hurt more. So, you keep self-sabotaging because you know you can handle the pain of the 5-foot fall. This feels safer than getting closer to the top of the mountain (goal)”. This is the roller-coaster goal setter; you keep starting and never finish. We care too much about failing and not enough about learning why we fail. Which brings me to the next reason why we give up too soon.
We mistake lessons of what doesn’t work as failure. - Sometimes we white knuckle through what’s not working until we become frustrated and give up. It’s important to understand that most of the time the original plan will need adjustments. This is the key to learning what works as we move towards the goal. If you’re following the plan and it’s not working, it’s the plan that’s failing not you. Learn what doesn’t work and change that. Keep working towards the goal with the adjustments.
You have no plan. - I know these people really well, I’m one of them. No matter how goal oriented we proclaim ourselves to be, we have a knack for expecting things of ourselves that are unrealistic. If you didn’t need a plan, you would have probably already attained the goal. Most goals require skill sets and knowledge. Your goal will need time. We can’t just vow to ourselves to work relentlessly toward said goal, all without first examining our daily activities and questioning where in our busy schedule we are actually going to put in the work.
We hold too tight to the perfect vision of the goal. - Most of us will throw in the towel before we consider changing the original vision. Find me a success story that new exactly what success was going to look like. The shape and form will continue to change even after you reach the goal. We must allow our goal to grow and evolve. We must be willing to make adjustments to the original vision. We need to pivot before we throw in the towel. Be willing to allow the goal to change shape.
We want the outcome more than we want to obtain the daily habits or skills. - So many of us speak of what we want, and yet never take the steps in order to see it through. We fall in love with the idea of being fit and healthy, far more then we like working out and eating healthy. This is usually the 1st obstacle, where we assume failure and give up on the goal all together. Because we wanted the outcome more than mastering the skills and habits needed to attain the goal. More than likely even after we reach the goal, we need to maintain the results by using the habits and skills that we learned on the journey.
Obstacles stop us dead in our tracks. - Everyone has obstacles and challenges, even the people that make it all look effortless. It’s how we respond to obstacles that determine our success. When we are face with an obstacle, we have a choice, we can let the obstacle overcome us or we can overcome the obstacle. Sometimes we cannot control the obstacle, for instants, you need to go for a run/walk and it’s raining. You can’t control the rain. But the rain is not stopping you. You will not melt! It’s not always easy but if you stay focused and maintain a positive mindset, you will push through and come out stronger on the other side. Working your way around obstacles will depend on your choices and your Grit. Which brings me to the last of the top reasons why we give up on our goals and dreams. GRIT!
Grit or lack of. - Grit is a mix of perseverance and passion that helps you achieve long-term goals. When you’re gritty, you don’t give up even in the face of difficulties and setbacks. To be gritty means you have a great passion for your goal, you are willing to keep moving forward despite obstacles, and will not abandon tasks. When you are gritty you invest, day after day, week after week, through ALL the challenges. To be gritty is to fall down nine times, and rise ten and when you rise again, you rise with the same passion as you had on your 1st try. How do you get Grit? Practice, Practice, Practice, Avoid shortcuts, Connect with your purpose, & Don’t give up.
Some of the above reasons might ignite in you, maybe you are saying; I don’t have grit, or there are too many obstacles, or maybe that thing that you have wanted for so long is trying to come to the surface – Let it all come up. Say what you want, even if it feels unachievable right now. Make a Plan and overcome the guaranteed obstacles. Believe me, I’ve been there. I gave up goal setting for years because I had too many disappointments. But I have learned from my own experiences that you have to be willing to do the work. We need to get into the weeds in order to reach our goals. Being in the weeds is hard work and that’s why many choose not to. You have to get your hands dirty. You have to know your stuff. You have to embrace the unknown every single day and push forward regardless of what obstacles or challenges arise. We all have limits, but I have learned, often our limits are self-imposed. It’s time to get out of the bleachers and stop watching life happen to you. Get in the game and remember it’s effort not talent that will determine your success.